Hermes

Bob, Herma-bob, Hermes the Swift, Hermes the Benevolent, Mr. Grumblypants, he-who-wears-his-heart-upon-his-back, fuzzylumpkin, sweet heart, spotted back, the chewer...

Hermes the rat went by many names, the greatest of which would be 'little buddy.' He was one of the sweetest rats that I ever will meet. He was black and white with a heart shaped spot on his back. He had a very nice personality and always loved to be with people. He loved banana and yogurt treats more than anything though, and more than once got in trouble for chewing on things.

Hermes and his little brother Zeus (we say, though we don't know if they're at all related) sometimes would fight, but for the most part they would sit there nicely and watch the glow of the television together with their creepy vacant stares. When you went to pet them and they got all excited they seemed like a two headed rat for it was hard to tell where one rat ended and the next began.

Hermes had been sick as of late. He was so skinny, he stopped eating and having interest in food. He wanted constantly to be held, he didn't want to be alone. He kept trying to eat his way out of his house, something that he had never done before. When we found a lump on his underside we knew that he was probably going crazy from the pain of the tumor and that he had not much longer.

But up until his last hour he enjoyed a nice romp with his brother on my bed, they curled up together in my kleenex box and enjoyed exploring. Then last night as they were on my bed Zeus and Hermes had a fight, and Zeus seemed more persistant than usual. Hermes didn't seemed to be hurt, but not much time had passed before he suddenly screeched...such an unearthly and heartbreaking little scream that rasped from his throat. And then he was struggling for breath. He was frantic, he was scared. He didn't want to die. But he died amidst friends. Mother and I held him close in a towel until he could finally breath no more. His little pink-ed feet and ears had turned a dismal grey-blue. We stroked and held him until his body was no longer warm. Then we knew he was gone.

It was a blessing to us that he was no longer suffering from the cancer, and we knew the time was coming, but we didn't want to admit it. I think that Zeus knew too, I think the fight he had with Hermes he might have been trying to put him out of his misery. He knew his brother was suffering. Mother held Zeus up to the body so that he could smell and understand that indeed Hermes had passed on. Zeus sat so very still the rest of the night, his whiskers quivering. He understood the stench of death.

We wrapped Hermes in a towel and placed him in one of his most favorite things: a kleenex box. We buried him out in the alcove in the woods, between Commodore Pierre and Tina.

That evening I took a ride. I hadn't ridden in a long time, the trails were over grown. I rode out past the old fence, the overgrown trees slapping against my army surplus helmet. Watching the sunlight slated through the trees that whirled by me...riding is where I go to think. I rode out into what used to be Potlatch land, I don't know the company that manages it now. They had just logged it last year. I had visited it in the spring and was dismayed by the giant mud puddles and desolate land left.

But as I entered the clearing I became awstruck with the pure sensation of knowing that after such death and destruction, new precious life goes on. Where there had been such desolation before now there was fields of sapplings, ferns and wildflowers, all reaching towards the slanted sunlight that came through the tall pines left standing. In the midst of that new life I came across a deer who stood and stared at me...standing right were only four or five years ago I had found a complete deer skeleton (and in fact I still found parts of that skeleton there). I picked a boquet of wild flowers.

I know that the Bible says nothing in regards to heaven and animals, but I would like to believe that when a person loves another life form enough to make that little animal into a part of their family in their eyes, and that little animal loves the people in its life so much as well, that when I get to heaven those cherished friends will be there.

In memorium of Hermes, and all that came before him.